she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
