We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
