Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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