I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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