who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize