she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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