I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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