Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ugly people sure do ruin things
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
