On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
