I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
