It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
