you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
