Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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