My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
