can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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