Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
