yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
