I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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