My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
