I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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