Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
