he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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