Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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