how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
