So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
