She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
