I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
