I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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