Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
