Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
