apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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