it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
