im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
foreskin is a definite game changer
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
where are my eyebrows?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
