But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
