you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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