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You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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