Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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