Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
