I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
