I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Randomize
