HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
