i jhust puked up my retainher.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
