What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
