therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
