His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
