Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
