I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
