nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
