I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
