There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
