I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
