the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize