in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
