Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My balls are so social today.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
