he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
