ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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