just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
