how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
