It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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