There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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