Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize