Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
