we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize