How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
