I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
