What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize