need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
