so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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