just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
This baby is an asshole
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
