is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
