I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
