I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
