I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize