I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
