sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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