I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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