i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
